


Challenge accepted / I can get anybody / To suck my dick, duh

by nnq



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Other, both of them are chaotic gays, gaige is a lesbian but thats not important, gay rhys, pansexual/bisexual zero, zer0 doesnt know what a crush is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-19
Packaged: 2020-05-14 15:24:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19276060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nnq/pseuds/nnq
Summary: After Handsome Jack got royally fucked by the vault hunters 2.0, Pandora's novelty is starting to wear off, or at least Zer0 thinks so. With the biggest dickbag in the universe buried 206 ft under, killing entire towns of bandits and looting their corpses just isn't enough to entertain Zero. They need something new, a challenge- and Gaige has the perfect one.





	1. zero is gay pt.1

"When I said we should go out to a bar, this isn't what I meant."

Gaige was slumped against the counter, sitting a bit aways from the slot machine that Zer0 stood in front of, who was seemingly intent on wasting all their money; throwing everything that came back out into a trash bin Moxxi had dragged out for him. Zer0 tilted their head, acknowledging the young girl's comment, but didn't say anything, causing Gaige to cough loudly, clearing her throat.

"I SAID-"

"Yes, I heard you, Gaige / Perhaps if you weren't so broke / You could have fun, too."

Gaige scowled towards Zer0, despite their head still turned towards the offending machine. "I don't feel like developing a gambling addiction tonight. Besides, why the hell are you even playing that? Everything that comes out is practically garbage, anyway." She ignored a scalding look Moxxi sent her way. "You don't need anymore guns, either- I've seen your rifle in action; shits dope." 

Zer0's helmet lit up in a '<3' emoticon at the mention of their favorite gun, before changing to a muted '嘆'. "There is a small chance / Of a cool legendary / Popping out of this." They replied, grabbing a sleek looking shotgun out of the side case, only to toss it into the rusted bin. " It won't be as good / As my sick sniper rifle / I like the challenge" they seemed to grumble, pulling the lever again.

Gaige perked up, sliding off her seat and stumbling for a moment before she put an arm on Zer0's shoulder, regaining her balance. "Seriously? You're wasting all your money just for a challenge? There's tons of fun stuff to do other than this!". Zero shot her a disgruntled '-_-', but didn't shake her off, instead turning back to the screen. 

"Such as what?" 

Gaige stuck out her tongue. "We could go boss hunting!"

"We did that last week / With Maya and Axton, too / Try again, something new."

Gaige paused, squinting. "Good ol' fashioned bandit hunting?"

"My skill is too great / A single slice of my blade / Is all I could need." 

Gaige groaned, almost collapsing on Zer0 completely, but they remained standing as the teenager flopped onto them. "Why are you like this? Why do you hate fun?" Zer0 flashed a brief '>:-]', making the girl giggle, but she quickly remembered her objective once more, and she wracked her brain for thoughts, before she perked up. She put both of her hands on the front of Zer0's mask, causing them to grumble, and she turned their head towards a group of mingling people making their way into the bar. Zer0 displayed a '?' in confusion.

"Here's a challenge for you; Socializing!"

Zero elbowed her in the ribs, causing Gaige to slide to the floor with an 'oof'. Despite Zer0 obviously holding back from seriously injuring her (They adored Gaige, truly, but she was a brat), she still struggled to catch her breath, and the masked figure crossed their arms, looking down at her with a flashing ';/'.

"What? You never talk to anyone! It really is a challenge!"

Zer0 leaned against the bar, gesturing to Moxxi for a drink. "I talk to people / All of the time, for missions / and recreation." He shrugged, nodding at Moxxi when she returned with a brightly-colored glass full of a murky brown liquid. "Thank you, Anyway / I have you and the gang, fool / And Moxxi of course." Moxxi flashed a smile, sticking the money Zer0 slid onto the counter in between her breasts, looking down at a disgruntled Gaige. "They're right, honey, Zero comes in all the time to talk to me. Best part is, they never hit on me either. They're such a doll~" Moxxi patted the top of zero's helmet, causing their helmet to project the ':I' icon.

Gaige was about to call Moxxi out for being biased, but their last comment made them pause. "Zero's never hit on you? Moxxi, everyone hits on you, whether you know it or not." Moxxi made a face that seemed to be stuck between flattered and offended. "You've hit on her before, right? I mean, aren't you like, bi?" Zero shrugged, their mask opening partially to allow them to tip the drink into their mouth. "Irrelevant, Gaige / I have no interest in / Romance, it is dumb." They said, flatly, as if that wasn't the saddest thing Gaige had ever heard.

"Whattt! Oh, so you're like, Aromantic? Like, not able to experience love and all that jazz?" Zer0 tilted their head. " No, not exactly / I just never felt the need / To approach someone." Gaige frowned. "That's... sad. Wait, have you had crushes before? Please tell me you have." Zer0's mask lit up in '...'. When Zer0 didn't respond, Gaige continued to ramble. "Have you even been in a relationship? Or is like, on your planet, relationships aren't really a thing? You've had to have hooked up with someone before, right?" Gaige suddenly looked back up at Zer0's blank mask. "Right...?"

There was an awkward lapse of silence between the two vault hunters as the bar's other inhabitants continued on with their conversations, broken by a bright pink expression appearing on the hunter's mask; '>////>'

Gaige nearly fell out of her chair, gasping. "Oh my god! Who?!?" Zero remained silent, but the emoji stayed put. "Is it someone I know?" Zero turned away. "IT IS, ISN'T IT?!?"

"Uh, No, Of course not / You would not know him at all / It does not matter." Gaige walked up to Zer0, putting her face so close to Zero's helmet, her breath was starting to fog it up, as she stared him down. "Fine, It was, Axton."

Behind the two, Moxxi made a noise of appreciation. "Nice."

"You two were dating?!" Gaige gaped.

"Ew, no no no no / I would rather die, fuck you / We had sex, E Z."

Gaige winced. "Please don't refer to sex as 'EZ' ever again. Though I definitely did not expect that... What was it like?" She questioned, curiously. Zero shifted, then turned back to the slot machine, which had been ignored for the past few minutes. "I get the appeal / It was mostly boring, though / He seemed to have fun." They paused. " I had some fun too / Human Genitalia / Is weird as fuck, damn" Gaige laughed. "Yeah, from your perspective it must be. Was it like a friends with benefits thing?" Zer0 nodded. "Yeah, figured. Axton's a horny motherfucker." She turned back to Zer0, only to see a '...' flashing in front of their mask. "You alright, Z?"

"I will admit, it / Was a bit confusing for / me, like a challenge." They pulled the lever again. "Maybe I should do / it again sometime later / though maybe not him." They snorted.

Gears started to turn in Maige's head, and she slammed her fist against the bar counter, causing Moxxi to jolt. "That's it! You need to get laid!" She exclaimed, causing a few of the bar's patrons to turn towards her with judging eyes, which caused her to shrink back. "You know. For fun." She said, much quieter, wincing at the bright red letters of 'WTF BRO' that appeared on Zero's mask. 

"I guess."

"No, seriously! There's gotta be someone you wanna bang. To do the ol' one two. The hanky panky. The-" Gaige was silenced with Moxxi's hand over her mouth, as she fruitlessly tried to continue. "Kids got a point, hun, as much as I love you hangin' round here, you've got some serious pent up energy issues. Remember that bar fight the other day? Jim's still in the hospital, y'know, which is like, good on you, but damn." Zero flinched, a brief 'SOZ' flashing before being replaced with their typical '0'.

Gaige broke away. "Zer0 fucked some guy into the hospital?!"

Moxxi frowned. "No, but they did break their spine in half..."

"Oh..."

Zer0 groaned, mask displaying an irritated '-_-' "Can you stop talking / Like I am not here? It is / Very rude, thanks much.' 

Gaige waggled her eyebrows. "Only if you go out and lay your crush! You def have one, you said you wanted to try it later but not with Axton. Sooo, you have someone in mind! I'm a genius." She puffed out her chest. Zer0 sighed. "I never said I had a crush." Gaige squinted "But you do, right?" 

"To refer it as / 'a crush' is fucking stupid / But I guess, maybe."

Gaige smirked, triumphant. "Then it's a challenge! Much more fun then sitting in front of a box for a gold-plated, diamond- encrusted 'legendary' whatchamacallit. Even if I can't tag along and watch you fail miserably, because you're a bloodthirsty introvert that will never get some." She taunted. Zero leveled her with what would've been a flat look, had it not been for the mask.

"Fine, I will go out / and 'lay' my crush, when I get / this legendary." Zero responded, their mask flashing 'LOL' in bold letters at the look of disappointment on the teens face, and they turned back to the slot machine, only to pause at the triple vault sign on the screen, and the bright orange gun in the side of the machine.

"Aw, Fuck."


	2. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe zer0 should have asked clarification on what a 'crush' is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh hewwo
> 
> so i started to write this completely sober but i accidentally closed the page and. didnt save my fuckin work.
> 
> so now im tipsy and rewriting this again! fuck yea

Zer0 starts to realize how fucking absurd this all is by the time they compare the narrowed down options of suits to wear.

They're not sure how long it's been since they crammed themselves into Sanctuary's public dressing booth, but most certainly longer than they've ever spent picking something as irrelevant as _clothes_. They've got two suits hanging off the hard-light constructed wall; One that's black, and one that's also mostly black, but has intricate detailing on the sleeves and torso that resemble something Zer0 thinks they've seen on one of Maya's telenovas. If they remember accurately, a handsome looking, dark eyed man had worn a gray suit of some type, and yelled at his sister for 'ruining his fiesta AND screwing his girlfriend'. With that in mind, Zer0 shudders and shoves the more detailed suit back into the hard-light closet, making quick work of their typical, bloodstained suit and putting on the pitch-black replica.

They suppose it does make a difference that they're not actually wearing what a human would consider a suit, but more-so the kind of suit that Zero wears to go out and kill people. Lots of people. But really, it can't be that far off.

By the time they actually walk out of the booth, they feel somewhat better about not actually having to wear one of those dreadfully uncomfortable things, considering how out of place they already feel. As they start to walk in the general direction of Rhys' residence, their thoughts wander. Even though it's not much different than their typical adornments, they still avoid the eyes of everyone they pass, as if they can tell that this is 'dressed up' for him, and are waiting to see how he screws this potential relationship up right from the doorstep.

Sure, Zer0 has done the whole 'hookup' thing before, but this is _different_. 

Probably because they're still pondering the fact that there's a good chance that Zer0 is actually, maybe, in love with him.

Zer0 met Rhys like they meet most of their acquaintances; Zer0 saves their life, so-and-so is impressed, or in some cases, intrigued. They exchange Ech0 communications. End quote. The difference being, after Rhys watched Zer0 stab their blade into one of those fucked-up dog things right in front of him, getting blood all over their suit that probably cost the same amount as their precious sniper rifle, all he could do was smile and stutter "You're.... You're really cool." Sure, Zer0 is used to compliments, but _god_ , that was the cutest shit Zer0 had ever seen, and they couldn't help the '<3' icon that appeared on front of their mask, because, ok, not only was he cute, but he was pretty hot too.

What preceded after that is blurry, but Zer0 clearly remembers that Rhys was not only exceptionally kind to them, but also seemingly _adored_ them. Everytime Rhys praised them, they felt their heart clench in their chest, which was definitely both surprising and disturbing for Zer0 the first time it happened, in the arena. Afterwards, they'd almost been tempted to go back to Sanctuary just so Dr. Zed could check them out, but when Rhys laid a hand on their shoulder and gave them a questioning, worried look at their lapse of thinking, they knew they were fucked. 

Just thinking about it sends a pulse of heat thrumming through their body, and their face, at the concept of what Gaige was _implying_ to happen, perhaps, happening tonight.

They brought out their communicator in a hurry, scrolling downwards through their many, many contacts before finally reaching the 'R' section, only hesitating a moment before tapping on Rhys contact.

Initially Zer0 only gave Rhys their contact with the intention of receiving some extra work, considering the danger of living the life as a successful company-owner in Pandora. Definitely not because Zer0's pulse stuttered everytime they heard Rhys laugh, or watched him smile, genuinely, or even because Rhys had a bad habit of making some pretty suggestive expressions completely on accident. Not at all. But as time passed, and Rhys started to reach out to Zer0 for help, they found themselves actually looking forward to whatever mundane task they had to assist with, solely because they got to spend time with Rhys. Sure, it wasn't mundane to Rhys when an assassin who had been stalking him for the past 2 weeks gets strangled to death in front of him, but Zer0 had already been through that mill about 20 times already. Despite Zer0 telling them this, Rhys still insisted on attempting to pay them a hefty lump of cash whenever they accompanied him, and in turn, Zer0 would argue to lower the price, because 'Tch, it was too easy for that much cash'. Which, kind of makes sense if they were anything but an assassin/bodyguard for hire, in which it makes _no_ sense that they wouldn't want more money. Zer0 doesn't even need it, but they figure that refusing any cash is definitely suspicious, and bad for other business. Whether Rhys is ignorant to Zer0's intentions or just silently dismissing them doesn't matter, even if one of those causes a twinge of pain in Zer0's heart.

They press the 'Message' button. They have no idea what to fucking say.

_Hey._  
_I need to talk to you about something. It's important._  
_I'll be at your house at 7:30. p.m._

Zer0 sighs, pressing their gloved palm to their helmet in thought. "Pretty straightforward / Hopefully they see it soon / What else should I say?"

They stop walking.

_ <3, 0_

They've got this.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe they don't got this.

It's 7:33 p.m, and Zer0's been standing outside Rhys' house for the past 3 minutes, hands wandering down to their belt to fiddle with their shield the 5th time in said 3 minutes, because they are feeling very very awkward. 

3 minutes ago, Zer0 had promptly rung the doorbell to the house, and swore they heard a loud thump before a familiar voice was heard. "Shit- Uh, j-just a minute, Z!" And Zer0, ever the understanding, waited a minute before clearing their throat.

"It has been a minute, Rhys." They teased.

Nervous laughter came from farther inside the house. "U-Uh, yeah, it's just an expression. I promise, I'm almost done just gimme a- Just wait, y'know?" The last few words seemed to stretch out as the voice became fainter, and Zer0 stared blankly at the door, feeling somewhat annoyed. Rhys was a bit of a neat freak, and beforehand, whenever Zer0 came over to assist with something, they'd try to 'tidy up' as Zer0 waited outside, which stretched into minutes, half an hour, to an hour, until Zer0 had picked the lock themselves and flatly told Rhys that they didn't give a shit what their house looked like, they were there for _him_ , which if they remember clearly, caused Rhys to start coughing abruptly, face bright red. When Zer0 put a hand on his back and asked if he was ok, Rhys had nearly vaulted away, saying he needed a glass of water.

So, Zer0 doesn't have time for that shit.

Before they could say anything though, hurried footsteps were heard traveling to the door, and Zer0 was face to face with a flushed, slightly out of breath Rhys. His hair was slightly damp, combed back roughly with either a wide-toothed comb or Rhys' fingers, and he sported a plain black t-shirt that dipped just low enough to allow his tattoos to peak out, as well as some plain black pants. It took a moment for Zer0 to realize they were checking Rhys out, and they hoped he wasn't able to tell by the tilt of his mask downwards. Luckily, Rhys didn't seem to notice, and he flashed a shy grin that made Zer0 want to rip their metaphorical hair out.

"Hey, man. S-Sorry for the wait." 

"It is ok, Rhys / I was not aware you were / bathing, could have called."

Rhys chuckled, before they looked to the side, rubbing the back of their head. "It's no problem, Z. Hey, you wanna come in, or...?" They gestured, and Zer0 flashed them a smiley before walking through the doorway, shutting the door behind them and promptly tossing their rifle and shield in the closet in the hallway, making their way into the living room where Rhys was sprawled out onto the couch. Upon watching them enter, Rhys sat up, eying him. "Haven't seen that suit before. Was it for a mission, or something?" He attempted to say casually, but a sliver of worry broke through his tone. Zer0 shook their head, and Rhys seemed to exhale in relief. 

"So what's this big thing you gotta tell me?" Rhys abruptly said, smile on his face as if he hadn't just said the most nervewracking words on this fucking planet.

_Fuck._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> awright lgbt community so i wrote ALOT so actually this is gonna be three parts. the third part..... will definitely be the shabang. 
> 
> by the way zero and rhys are both switches and that is THAT but zero will be getting dicked in this particular fic because i asked my friends and they said the alien assassin should bottom and i was like ok thats fair
> 
> also also they are agender but its MY fic so they get a dick. cool? cool.
> 
> plz leave comments i want validation.

**Author's Note:**

> hello borderlands fandom my name is zylbrad and i hate my writing but i love rhys/zero and i cant get this idea out of my head 
> 
> next chapter will be the awkward confrontation + the nsfw shabang. i'm posting this at 1:33 am. im tired.
> 
> EDIT: it is currently 4:27 AM as I write this and I've just realized that this timeline is kinda fucked but basically zero knows rhys from the tales of borderlands and does a lot of mercenary work still but likes to hang around sanctuary with the other vault hunters. I didn't play tales of borderlands ok.... I'm just a simple zer0 stan.  
> love u homos. peace.


End file.
